I don’t know where to begin. My dad was admitted into the ER on 28 January, the day before my stepsister’s service. He passed away on 8 February. Yes. I have lost two family members in less than a month.

While my dad was in hospice, I received a call that a company I applied to would not be moving forward in the interview process. I have never been so happy. It was a good company, but the job was not for me. I was not for them. One clue would be that I did not study before the interview. I couldn’t make time for that company. I made time for Wes Bos, but not for the interview. Oddly, at the time I am trying to tell my dad goodbye and that it was ok to let go, not getting a job was a big relief. It was the only up I had in days and would have for days. Yes, I need stability, but the timing is bad. I get to cry and not beg a new boss to understand.

I need to return to coding tutorials. Grief brain. I have it bad. Tutorials and hand holding are what I need. And this time around, I’m making time to make other things. Before I started to learn HTML, CSS, and JavaScript, I knitted, crocheted, and embroidered. I also read a lot. I think I need to make more time for other creative outlets.

I know. I need to grieve. Trust me. I grieve. Plenty. Lots of tears. So many tears that I’m battling dehydration. Getting back into my coding and job app habits is the return to normalcy I need.

Always, we begin again.